Saturday, September 7, 2019

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If you're wondering how to lose your virginity, you might think of it as a pretty straightforward thing. After all, people have been doing it for thousands of years, right?

But these days, people and sex can be a little complicated - and so can losing your virginity.

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Now, most people are likely to define virginity in terms of sexual behavior - in terms of what kind of sexual activity you have participated in. This definition makes a lot more sense to most people: if you've done certain sex acts, you're no longer a virgin.

But what sex acts, exactly?

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The standard loose definition goes like this: Whether you're a guy or a girl, you lose your virginity when he inserts his penis into her vagina.

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Now, that view serves pretty well in most cases... but for a lot of people, it's not quite sufficient either. For example:

Does it have to be a penis that gets inserted? What if instead of his penis, a guy puts his fingers into a girl's vagina? Or his tongue? Or a dildo or other object?

If a girl starts getting her period and using tampons, she might break her hymen while inserting a tampon. Has she just lost her virginity to a tampon?

What about anal sex? If a guy and a girl have anal sex, is she still a virgin? Is he?

What about lesbian sex? If two girls break each other's hymens with their fingers, or with a sex toy, are they still virgins? If a girl never has sex with a man, does she ever lose her virginity?

What about gay sex? If two men have anal sex, are they both still virgins?

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What about bisexual people? Do they lose two types of virginity (their "same sex" virginity and their "opposite sex" virginity)?

As you can see, there are a lot of sexual behaviors that may or may not be considered "losing your virginity", depending on your viewpoint and cultural beliefs. One person might think that gay men never actually lose their virginity... another might think that any girl with an intact hymen is still a virgin... and another may think something different entirely.

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Here are some more questions that can be difficult to answer when you're considering how to lose your virginity:

If someone is forced to have sex, have they lost their virginity? This is a difficult question to answer. Personally, I look at it this way: losing your virginity is primarily an EMOTIONAL event, not a physical one.

In other words, if you decide to have sex with someone, and then you do, I think you've lost your virginity. If you've been forced to have sex against your will, you never made the emotional decision to have sex - so I think you are still, emotionally speaking, a virgin.

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Virginity is something you GIVE away, willingly and happily. Can someone TAKE it away from you by force? That's a matter of opinion - and in my opinion, they can't. Your virginity is yours to lose when YOU decide you're ready. If you have been sexually assaulted, then you had no choice in the matter, and you are still a virgin.

So with that out of the way, here are my personal definitions of losing your virginity, as I think it applies to guys and girls, straight and gay.

Straight girls: You are a virgin if no guy has ever put his penis inside your vagina, WITH YOUR CONSENT AND HIS. You lose your virginity when you give a guy permission to put his penis inside your vagina, and he willingly does.

Lesbians: You are a virgin if you feel that you have never had vaginal sex with a girl (whatever "vaginal sex" means to you personally) WITH YOUR CONSENT AND HERS. You lose your virginity when you give a girl permission to touch your body in a way that makes you feel that you are having sex, and she willingly does.

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Straight guys: You are a virgin if you have never put your penis in a girl's vagina WITH HER CONSENT AND YOURS. You lose your virginity when she gives you permission to put your penis inside her vagina, and you willingly do.

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Gay guys: You are a virgin if you have never had sex with another guy (whatever "sex" means to you) WITH YOUR CONSENT AND HIS. You lose your virginity when you give him permission to have sex with you, and he willingly does.

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Plenty of people agree with these general definitions; lots of people disagree too. I think they're pretty good definitions to go by.
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